


What are we doing? (I don’t know anymore)

by Michinokao



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anarchy, Canon Universe, Childhood Trauma, Fix-It, Fix-It of Sorts, Gen, Let's just abuse and dismantle the system from the inside, Mostly Dialogue, Murder, Team Bonding, Team as Family, Wave Mission
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-16
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2020-06-29 07:26:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19825342
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michinokao/pseuds/Michinokao
Summary: Sakura, Sasuke and Naruto have to kill during the mission to Wave. In the last few weeks before they head back to Konoha, they start to look underneath the underneath.Needless to say, Kakashi doesn’t expect them to become cute little anarchists.





	What are we doing? (I don’t know anymore)

“What are we doing?” Naruto’s voice cracks – it’s been three days since the grand finale of the fight against Zabuza and Haku and he hasn’t really used it since. None of them have.

They haven’t showered or eaten more than two bowls of rice per day either. For that matter, sleeping has become a fitful and frightening experience. Sasuke thinks only the follow-up to the Uchiha massacre can compare to the state they’re currently in. He thinks they’re kind of pathetic for supposed ninja... however, his eyes are just as red-rimmed as Sakura’s so he doesn’t speak about it.

None of them have spoken up until now.

So it comes as a bit of a surprise when Naruto’s sharp words echo through their darkened quarters in Tazuna’s house. Three half-finished bowls of rice stand on the floor. Sakura’s gaze snaps up from them in order to stare at her blond haired teammate in curiosity. The last Uchiha isn’t as obvious as the girl but he’s just as intrigued.

“I asked” Naruto clears his throat, swallows once and looks at them, “What are we doing?”

Sasuke’s first reaction is to throw a pillow at the other male genin but he halts. Yes. What _are_ they doing? Every day seems automatic – wake up from pitiful two hours of sleep, shove down some breakfast, go to the bridge to help, go to the village to help, walk back to Tazuna’s house in silence, lie with open eyes in the stuffy room... and hope that somehow said eyes will fall close.

Is that the life of a shinobi after their first blood? Sakura’s fingers tremble and her gaze glazes over for a moment. It’s on/off with her. Some days it’s as if she didn’t slice eight men’s throats and the only thing amiss is her lack of vocals and other days she shuts down completely.

Neither Sasuke nor Naruto mention it (how could they when they haven’t opened their mouths since the fight?) and the days have gone by rather quickly.

Sasuke sighs when Sakura doesn’t answer. He forces four gulps of water down his dry throat and states in his most deadpan tone: “Well, nothing much.”

“Nothing much? ‘S less than that, innit? But tha’s not what I meant, teme. What are we _doing_?” the blond gesticulates to himself and his two teammates. Sasuke suppresses an amused huff at the nonsensical sight.

“Specify, idiot.” Sakura says, wincing at how fucked up she sounds.

Naruto sheepishly scratches the back of his (probably greasy) head. “I mean” he begins only to bite his lip as if to stop weird thoughts from passing his mouth.

“Just tell us, dobe.”

“I mean it’s not like I don’t wanna be Hokage or a shinobi anymore but why are we fighting against people who are so much older than us? Why do we have’ta do that? It was all fun’n’games in the Academy. They didn’t even warn us properly – just told us we’d have’ta maybe kill. I always thought that that’s no problem ‘cuz it’s gonna be like bam and they’re dead, ya know?” Naruto finishes, instantly going back to worrying his lip.

He remembers being disappointed for not having the chance to proof his worth as a ninja. Every time he thinks about the scene he made, a shudder runs down his spine. It’s a strange mixture of shame and sadness that accompanies it.

Sakura’s scarred forehead (of a rather nasty wound inflicted by a swordsman twice her size) scrunches up. “I... see. I always thought being a kunoichi would make me seem sexy and smart.” Sasuke snorts and she flicks his nose with a small pout, “Iruka-sensei wanted us to know, didn’t he? He’d say _Please consider other career choices before becoming shinobi._ As if we even had the chance to do so. You, Sasuke-kun, are the last Uchiha and pretty much therefore obligated to become a ninja. I don’t know about you, Naruto, but I’ve seen that being a civilian is nearly impossible. They’re disrespected and _weak_.”

“Either be a shinobi or be dead.”

They’re silent again after Sasuke’s monotonous declaration.

“What are we gonna do now?” Naruto asks after a while.

“It’s normal, isn’t it? Killing, stealing, fighting... that’s normal for shinobi. We’re barely out of the Academy, though, and sure, this mission shouldn’t have gone the way it did but why do _we,_ as not even real teenagers, have to account for something like that? Our fucking jonin sensei nearly bit the grass. I honestly don’t know what my... my brother had to do at our age. He was in ANBU.”

“What?!” Naruto cries startled and the sound makes Sakura flinch momentarily. The boy throws her a sheepish glance before focusing on his other male teammate once more, “B-But ANBU are like _one class_ under _Hokage_! That... that couldn’t have been good, right? I mean, we’re only genin and we’re already...” _We’re broken_ , he wants to say but doesn’t. Sakura and Sasuke understand him nonetheless.

Sasuke nods, haltingly continuing with his elaboration: “He... he wasn’t a normal child but before, but he at least... was... he was at least _human_. You didn’t see how he looked after a couple of missions. In hindsight... I really don’t think he was in a good place. Mentally, I mean.”

“Something like that destroys you, doesn’t it?” Sakura asks but it isn’t really a question as much as it is a statement. However, the Uchiha still answers with a curt “Hn”. Naruto can’t find it in himself to be aggravated by the noise as he used to be.

“I don’t wanna go on ‘nother C-rank mission.” the blond jinchuuriki mumbles, drawing his legs closer to his chest.

“Tche, and what the hell are we supposed to say to sensei, dobe? _Hey, yeah, now that we’ve had a C-rank we’re going back to D-ranks_?” Sasuke inquires sarcastically.

All of a sudden, Sakura jumps up. “That’s it!” she whispers.

“Huh?”

“I think we all can agree that we’re not strong enough at the moment, yeah? You know what we’re going to do? We’ll train to become better but at the same time, we don’t tell Kakashi-sensei. We’re doing this on our own while we act as if we’re too shaken to take C-ranks and up! And when he asks us if we want to join the chuunin exams, we’ll decline. We have a year and a half until the council grows suspicious.” the pink haired girl explains in hushed tone, conspiringly leaning closer to the boys’ heads, “And with our strength we’ll defend ourselves. This is the perfect time to expand our knowledge without having to do anything else other than a couple of measly D-ranks! Just think of the possibilities! You, Naruto, are incredibly good at breaking and entering. You can just copy scrolls from other sections – chuunin, jonin, you name it – when we’re done with the easy stuff. And Sasuke-kun has knowledge of Uchiha techniques that don’t require the Sharingan. We can be...”

“...really damn strong” Sasuke finishes her sentence wide-eyed, looking at Sakura as if he’s never seen her prior to this day.

“We won’t have’ta do this killing shit anymore?” Naruto demands equally awestruck.

“We don’t.” Sakura nods.

“Then we’ll do that!” the whiskered boy exclaims enthusiastically.

“We will.” the Uchiha breathes.

“Yes, we will.” Sakura finishes.

The three of them begin planning, talk about different techniques and specializations they want to learn.

Outside of their room, a silver haired jonin stands. Icha Icha Paradise rests in his hand but for once, he’s not looking into it. He blinks a couple of times and doesn’t quite know what to think of the recent developments. Ah... sighing inaudibly, Hatake Kakashi shrugs. He didn’t expect to become the teacher of three little anarchists but well, what can you do? He’ll just have to conveniently lose useful scrolls, which can’t be found in the library, near the three little hell spawns.

He’s a bit clumsy, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> I just had this idea about half a year ago and finished writing it today. It would definitely be a great start of a whole multi-chap AU fic. But I'm writing on other projects atm so I'll just leave it as a One Shot.


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